


I will stab you in the eyeball with a rusty fucking knife.

by j2mslittlebitch



Series: Eternal Sterek [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, M/M, Trash Talking, call of duty trash talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:42:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29865189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j2mslittlebitch/pseuds/j2mslittlebitch
Summary: “I will find you and tea bag you, I swear to god.”5 times Derek watched Stiles game and the one time he gamed with him.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Series: Eternal Sterek [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2164122
Comments: 4
Kudos: 123





	I will stab you in the eyeball with a rusty fucking knife.

**Author's Note:**

> based on [this](https://isthatbloodonhisshirt.tumblr.com/post/644756868901879809/spider999now-sterekgaming-boyfriends-3) lovely artwork here.
> 
> unbeta'd and written at 5am on no sleep so excuse any mistakes. 
> 
> Every that Stiles says in this fic has been said or I've said in cod lobbies. So y'all are welcome haha.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it <3

1.  
The first time Derek heard Stiles playing Call of Duty, he was offended for everyone in the lobby. Stiles had the day off so when Derek got home at lunch time, he was sitting bare chested in his batman boxers with the headset slotted over his ears. He was leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, snarling at the screen.

“Suck a bag of dicks, Whittemore. You camping, sniping mother _fucker_.” Derek was sure Stiles was about to toss his control across the room but he only clenched it hard in his fists before aggressively slamming his finger into the R2 button, laughing victoriously as there was an explosion on his screen and a confirmed kill floated across it.

Stiles didn’t even look at him as he dumped the takeaway on the bench but Derek was watching him as he yelled, “Fuck you _and_ your mum. She must be so proud she raised such a _bitch_.” If Derek listened hard enough, he would have been able to hear who ever he was talking to but it didn’t sound like a conversation he wanted to listen too.

He dished out his own food before he dropped onto the couch next to Stiles who was moving through a dark building on the screen, his eyes glued to it, even as he lifted his elbows and let Derek rest his feet in his lap. Stiles face screwed up slightly as he snapped, “I will turn your nan’s life support off, you deviate mother fucker.”

Derek choked on his mouthful of rice, he and Stiles had known each other for five years, been together for eighteen months and lived together for three months and while Stiles was a snarky asshole in his everyday life, that was well beyond the normal sass even for Stiles.

The younger man didn’t seem to notice Derek’s lack of oxygen, he was too busy watching his character sprint across open ground, he was getting shot at and he spun, gun already aimed, firing in the direction of the sniper. Another confirmed kill floated across his screen. “Fuck you, go fuck your dad.” 

Derek turned out the rest of his match, which ended before he had finished his lunch. Stiles slipped his headset off with a parting shot of, “Suck my _dick_ , you little cunt.” He turned to Derek, smiling widely and crawled up into his lap to wrap his arms around Derek’s shoulders. “Hey handsome, how was your morning?”

2.  
“I swear to god Whittemore, if you -” Stiles’ voice interrupted Derek’s blissful sleep as he snarled into his headset across the apartment. Everything was dark, except for the glow coming from the television. 

Derek squinted over at his phone, _1.12am_. Stiles didn’t sleep on weekends, Derek was sure of it. The younger man gamed well into the night and Derek often found him asleep on the couch, headset on and control in hand the next morning.

He sighed and rolled out of bed, his bare feet padding on the floorboards as he approached Stiles and slid onto the couch, slinking up until he was laid out with his head in Stiles’ lap. Stiles lifted his elbows, rubbing a quick hand through Derek’s hair before he returned it to his controller.

Derek could hear Jackson’s voice through the headset and he knew the other man was talking shit just by the look on Stiles’ face, the small smirk on his lips as he quickly reloaded his gun on the screen. Derek’s rolled over then and pressed his face into Stiles’ bare stomach. Even though the younger man was concentrating on the game, his muscles still tensed and Derek could smell the arousal wafting off him.

Derek pressed an open mouthed kiss below his belly button and grinned when Stiles actually groaned into the headset. ‘ _If you are getting your dick sucked Stilinski, I’m going to petrol bomb your house, i swear to fucking god._ ’ Stiles laughed, stomach tensing even further as Derek swiped his tongue across the waistband of his boyfriend’s boxers. “You’re just jealous no one wants to suck your dick Whittemore.” ‘ _Fuck you_.’ But then Stiles was muting his microphone and tossing his control onto the coffee table in favour of burying his hands in Derek’s hair.

Derek hadn’t come out here planning to suck Stiles’ dick but it seemed like a solid plan. He could feel the younger man’s erection against his cheek so he rearranged himself and slid down between his knees. Stiles spread his legs wider, giving him to room to pull his boxers down to free his dick. It didn’t last long, Derek knew exactly where to lick, where to suck, the exact amount of pressure that Stiles needed and before long, Derek was swallowing him down as he panted roughly into his shoulder.

Stiles was silent for a moment before Derek felt his smile against his skin. “I would say that I was sorry I woke you, but it would be a lie.”

They went to bed after that, Stiles shutting his Playstation down without saying anything to his party and Derek knew the text message he received as they curled around each other was from Jackson, cursing him out for abandoning him. It wasn’t the first like that Stiles had received and if Derek had anything to do with it, it wouldn’t be the last.

3.  
“Hey handsome, how was your day?” Stiles was camped in front of the television when Derek walked through the front door. He had his headset on and control in his hand but he glanced over as Derek slipped his shoes off and leaned over to kiss his forehead quickly. “Dinner’s in the oven.”

Derek moved through their apartment to shower as Stiles’ attention shifted back to the television. He could hear Stiles yelling over the water and laughed when he caught part of the conversation.

“Reyes, I swear to god you’re going to give me a fuckin’ anuerysm.” Derek liked that the pack gamed together, they didn’t get to spend as much time together as they used to so it was nice that they still bonded and talked, even if it was abouts their mothers, dicks, pussies and virgins. He knew they all loved each other and even at their worst, no one held the trash talk against any one.

One day he would learn to play so he could join in.

“Oh it’s like that is it?” Stiles was asking into his headset as Derek sank down onto the couch next to him. Tonight Stiles leaned into his, resting his head on his shoulder until Derek lifted his arm and wrapped it around the other man. Stiles was down on the screen, waiting for a team to revive him so he turned his head and kissed the side of Derek’s mouth. 

The kiss was brief because Erica crawled up next to Stiles and revived him and they moved off again. They worked their way across the map, effectively dispatching any enemy players they found until it was only them and one other player.

“He’s camping.” Stiles murmured, “I can feel it in my _juices_.”

“You disgust me, Stilinski.” Derek heard Erica reply and he laughed.

He watched as Stiles moved out of cover, likely to try and encourage the camper to show himself. It worked, as soon as Stiles was out in the open, the other player started shooting. He watched Stiles spin, his automatic rifle already aimed. The confirmed kill appeared on his screen and Erica was whooping, the other player was cursing and Stiles laughed, “Git good, you little bitch. Git good.”

4.  
Stiles was asleep when his phone buzzed loud enough to wake Derek. It was a sunday morning, Stiles had worked night last night and had only slid into bed in the early hours of the morning so when Derek reached over and snagged his phone to see it was a message from Jackson, demanding Stiles wake his ass up and join him and Ethan on Warzone, Derek messaged him from Stiles phone and told him to fuck off.

He turned the phone off and dropped it back onto the bedside table, curling further into Stiles and wrapping his arm around the other man’s stomach. It didn’t take him long to drift off again, surrounded by the scent and the warmth of his mate.

When he woke again, he was alone in bed and Stiles’ side was cold. He could hear him in the other room, laughing loudly. “Boyd, you nasty mother fucker.”

Derek didn’t rise, not in any rush to leave his bed but he still listened into the shit talk.

“Bruh, what the fuck are you doing, you sniping piece of shit?”

“You absolute twat, learn how to play or get the fuck out of my lobby.”

“Get him, get him, he’s in the doorway. Fuck!” 

“I will _shit_ on your mum’s chest and she will _thank_ me.”

“Oh, that was a fucking camper. Fuck you, you little shit.”

“Whittemore, you useless _cunt_ , come and revive me before I put wolfsbane in your face cream.”

“Boyd, buddy, pal, friend of mine. How _fucking_ dare you!”

“Did you hear that? She called me a _virgin_.”

“You’d let him destroy your asshole too, if you could see him.”

“No, you little shit, I’m not a fucking hacker, I can just play the goddamn game.”

“Yes boy! I am so fucking _hard_ right now.”

“Suck my dick, you peasant.”

“I will find you and tea bag you, I swear to god.”

Derek dozed off again shortly later, basking in the warm sun shining through the window and the sound of his mate’s heartbeat from the other room.

5.  
“You’re an absolute fucking pussy, bro,” was the first thing Derek heard when he stepped out of the elevator onto his apartment floor after he finished work. He’d had a long day so he walked straight in the front door, walked in front of the television and curled in Stiles’ lap. The other man hissed when his view from the television was cut off but muted his headset, removed it and placed it with his control on the table in favour of wrapping his arms around Derek.

“You okay?” Stiles’ voice was muffled against his hair as he shrugged his shoulders. It was getting close to his birthday and they had always been sore points, ever since his family had been murdered. “You wanna go to bed?”

Derek nodded, trying to ignore the voices that still echoed out of Stiles’ headset. He could hear Jackson and Erica arguing with someone else because Stiles had left midgame. They didn’t often team up with randoms but obviously they had tonight because both of their friends were angry that some dared disrespect their Alpha and his mate. The last thing Derek heard was Jackson telling the other guy he was going to fuck his mum before Stiles shut the system off and led him to bed.

+1.  
Stiles was not having a good day, Derek was sure of that. He’d been at home for the day and he’d received more than one pissed off text from Stiles about deputies not listening, shifts not being filled. Jackson had called in sick even _though werewolves didn’t get sick_ but the supernatural wasn’t common knowledge so he had to give him the day off. So he’d ended up working a double and by the time he walked through the front door, smelling of too much coffee, sweat and exhaustion, Derek had tea ready, his Playstation on and his control fully charged. He’d also send out a text message to the pack group chat that everyone had better make an appearance for the sake of their Alpha and his mate.

By the time Stiles stepped out of the shower, Derek had the second television and gaming system set up and the smile of Stiles’ face when he noticed was blinding. Once they had it set up, everyone in the party chat, Derek picked up his own control and listened carefully while Stiles gave him a quick run down on the controls. He listened to the rest of the pack over the chat try and help him with tips on the game.

He struggled throughout the first couple of games, getting a kill here and there but spent most of his time being a target rather than a killer. About their fifth game in though, he found his groove and started to figure shit out. So when someone sniped Stiles next to him, he spun around, found the player and _nailed_ him. “Haha, suck my dick, you whore.”

The entire chat went quiet for a moment and Derek saw Stiles look over at him with raised eyebrows. Without even muting his microphone, he leaned over towards Derek and murmured, “I am so aroused right now.”

“Stilinski there is something wrong with you, if all it takes is Alpha calling someone a whore to turn you on.” Jackson snarked over the chat.

“Shuddup, Whittemore.” Stiles said easily as he turned back to the game waiting for his respawn. “I know for a fact that you like it when Ethan talks trash too, should I share the screenshots?”

“I will stab you in the eyeball with a rusty fucking knife.”

Everyone was laughing so hard they forgot about the game for a moment and none of them minded when they all ended up dead. Derek listened to the easy banter with a small smile, they may be talking shit about each other, they may be talking an insane amount of shit to each other but they were all happy and laughing and Derek felt warmth spread through his chest. He would be forever grateful for his mate and his insane ability to talk shit to strangers on the internet, and his ability to bring the pack together through a game.


End file.
